Christmas Week

I normally don't like when Christmas falls in the middle of the week because it just doesn't seem to do the holiday justice. It comes and goes so quickly and weekends are so much more fun. But, this year I loved it and we extended it as much as we could! Zach took the whole week off and my bro, Kevin got to come up from San Diego for the week. This year we decided to make things easy and slow down when spending time with friends and family. Instead of trying to fit in 3 different houses in 1 day, we spread our celebrations out over 3 days. It makes for a long 3 days, but so nice to spend the majority of the day with one group of people!

We actually started out the week with our 1st Christmas & Caroling party at our house. We had lots of guests help kick off the holiday complete with food, drinks, caroling around our neighborhood, apple cider, dessert and a bonfire. I was too busy to get any pictures, darn. But, here's our invite:

We celebrated Christmas Eve at the Milner's house. After a yummy late breakfast, we opened presents and made homemade tamales for dinner. Brie had so much fun playing Santa's helper with the gifts. It was fun watching her soak it all in.

On Christmas Day, we had some time at home to relax in the morning. My parents came over for a bit and then we headed to Uncle Drew & Aunt Whit's house for an evening of fun. Drew cooked up quite a variety of appetizers and we enjoyed running around with all the kiddos and exchanging gifts. Crew is starting to take some steps and Kael just loves watching all the older ones play!

Kael - 4 1/2 Months

Crew - 9 1/2 Months

Elka - 6, Liv - 3, Brie - 2, Uncle Bil - ?

Brie's new bean bag chair from Mimi

 Opening Stockings

Thursday we spent the day at Lake Wildwood with my Mom and John. We played at the park and had a turkey feast for lunch. After more presents, the kids were absolutely pooped...and so were we. What a week!

The Life That Was

Just some things I'm thinking about this week...

I want to start out by saying that I love and adore my kids with my whole heart. I think they are absolutely wonderful and every day I wake up so thankful that they're mine. I'm an intentional mom and try my best to be truly present with them every day.

However, that doesn't mean that I don't miss "the life that was." My life {before kids} where I could sit down uninterrupted with a book, go grocery shopping with only thoughts of cooking on my mind, or just spontaneously take a long scenic drive after work.

This new life is not something you can prepare for, be taught how to live or easily adjust to. It requires going through a grieving process...one that can sometimes take years. I have come to realize, after much thought, that if I want to come to the reality of what my life is now, I need to do 3 things: Take the time to remember what once was. Think about the past, look through old pictures, visit memorable places...it helps me appreciate the opportunities I had. Secondly, allow the grieving process to happen. It's ok to be sad if I need to or get mad if I need to. Getting out those emotions will clear the path to move forward. Lastly, I have to wholeheartedly welcome the new. I don't want to subconsciously harbor any resentment or wish for my old life. I have a beautiful family and an adorable 2 year old girl who lights up my life. Brielle is so fun, well behaved and a joy to be around. Kael is a spunky little guy who has already adjusted very well to the world. I couldn't ask for anything more!

I am 100% positive that every mom experiences these emotions to some degree (as long as you were happy with life pre-kids). I would be interested to hear other's experiences of going through this process. Because that's what it is, a process. It doesn't go away overnight, and I know in 18 years when my kids are grown, there will be a whole new reason to grieve the life that was.

One, Two, Three

I've learned how to communicate with Brie even though she speaks very few words. She really didn't start "talking" until just a couple months ago. Before that, I knew she understood the majority of what I was saying and was just storing up all those words in her head for the day when she would finally start verbalizing them. She is so smart and for a one-year old, really "gets" it. Now...she loves talking and it's so fun to see her say more words everyday.

I work with her on numbers and letters everyday, but had no idea that she was really paying attention! Then just a few days ago out of the blue, she started counting to 10! I guess she's listening to me after all!

Here's a cute video of her counting to 10...

Life with Two

I have to admit, I was pretty anxious and nervous about having two. How would I split my time? How would I deal with Brie if she started acting up or showed signs of resentment? How would it be going places with two instead of one? So many thoughts and scenarios played themselves out in my mind for many months leading up to Kael being born.

Now 11 days into this new life, I can say I am completely happy and at peace with our decision to have two kids close together and I am loving every minute! I like having to juggle between the two and at least right now, it's fun having everything just a little bit chaotic.

Now, about our new little guy...Kael Daniel was born August 5th at 6:18pm (4 days early). I went into labor around 3:30am that morning and labored at home for about 4 hours. The contractions were getting pretty quick and intense, so we decided to head to the hospital at 8am. I was checked and was only 1 cm dilated - say what?? How could that be? I couldn't believe it. I walked around and hung out at the hospital for about 2 1/2 hours, but didn't progress at all. So, we headed home and played the waiting game. After another two hours, I knew I needed to head back. This time I was 4 cm dilated and was admitted around 1pm - I was so relieved! About 2pm, I had my epidural and was so glad to have relief from the pain. As much as I have always wanted to experience a completely natural birth, I knew that more than anything I wanted to enjoy the end of the labor process and be at peace when the baby arrived. It was another great delivery and a truly moving experience with Zach, my mother-in-law, my mom and my dad all there in the room. My doctor was away on vacation, so the on-call doctor came in at 4pm to break my water and soon I progressed about 3 cm in 45 minutes. It took about 3 pushes and baby Kael made his arrival!

He is so perfect in every way and resembles so much of Zach (chicken legs and all, haha). I knew when I was pregnant that this baby would be all Zach just like Brielle is the spitting image of me when I was little. It's so fun to have a boy and a girl now and we are just enjoying life now as a family of four!

40 Weeks

Some days, 40 weeks seemed like it would never come. And other days, I couldn't believe how fast the weeks flew by. I am now starting week 40 in this pregnancy and hoping each day is the day! So far, I haven't had any major contractions and am not dilated. But, I'm still hopeful that maybe something will happen this weekend!

We've got baby boys' room all ready. I'm happy with how it turned out - kind of a chevron vintage motorcycle theme going on. It's simple but cute. My mom made the awesome curtains, they're my favorite part!

We're enjoying our last days with just our little girl. She is growing up so fast and is talking a ton and understands EVERYTHING! I am amazed how smart she is...and not just saying that cause she's my girl!

Pregnancy pics taken by my cousin, Jenn!